1. You meet an author diva or divo, who insists on taking center stage on your panel. She sucks up all the air in the room, taking more than her allotted time to answer a particular question. Do you:
a. Fix a pleasant smile upon your face and wait out the hot windstorm, hoping the moderator will intervene.
b. Wait for the diva/divo to take a breath, and then politely interject yourself.
c. Pound your fist on the table and yell, “Move on!”
2. You get a cover you don’t like, but which your editor tells you she LOVES. Not only that, your agent loves it, too. And so does your mother. You tell them:
a. You love it. They know best.
b. It’s not what you expected, and here are your concerns.
c. You would rather die than have that cover. Then bombard your editor with comparables.
3. Nobody shows up to your bookstore signing. You:
a. Hide yourself in the bathroom, peeking out now and then to see if anyone came.
b. Use the time to get to know the bookstore employees. Sign stock. Take awkward selfies to remind self not to take self too seriously.
c. Leave. No two-bit bookstore is going to waste your time.
4. You have asked your favorite author for a blurb via your agent or editor, and but have not yet heard back from the author. You:
a. Do nothing. They must hate you.
b. Do nothing. It’s not personal.
c. Tweet them how much you adore their books.
5. Your agent takes forever to reply to your emails, and you think the shiny has rubbed off of your relationship. You:
a. Eat cookies. Maybe she’s going through a rough patch. Maybe it’ll get better, plus, what if you can’t find another agent ever?
b. Express your concerns via email, or on a phone call. Take appropriate measures.
c. Terminate her immediately. No one puts baby in the corner.
6. You get a terrible review on GR from someone who obviously did not read the book. You:
a. Crumple into a ball and shoot yourself into the wastepaper basket.
b. Vow not to read GR reviews. Trolls are unavoidable in this business.
c. Reply to the review with steaming piles of poo.💩💩💩
If you answered mostly “a,” you are a Charlie Brown. You’re not comfortable with conflict, and will avoid it sometimes at the cost of your own personal happiness. We suggest carrying a NO button around with you at all times to train yourself to be more assertive. You’ll never get what you want if you don’t ask. 🚫
If you answered mostly “b,” you’re a Snoopy. You’re confident without being obnoxious, and you know how to make the most of a bad situation. We toast you with this root beer, since we know it’s your favorite beverage. 🍺🍺
If you answered mostly “c,” you’re a Lucy. You’re aggressive sometimes to the point of being obnoxious. We suggest making funny faces at yourself twice a day, to remind yourself that you’re still a peanut.
Please note #4: the only thing to do about an author who doesn’t reply to your request for a blurb is nothing.